my, oh my, what a wonderful day

oh and i forgot to tell you...

2007-01-13T10:29:00.001-06:00

...that i did use my bitchy words about the comments. but then i felt guilty. to the first person, i just said that it didn't make me feel very good for her to make a comment like that. but to the second, she got an unfortunate tongue-lashing, for which i had to apologize for later.

i even used the f-word. yikes!

here's the most beautiful picture of my son, duke

i should write a book...

2007-01-13T10:29:00.000-06:00

...about the comments people make to pregnant women.

1/12/07 - rant and rave #3:

*yesterday, at work, the first thing someone said to me was , "what, no baby yet?"

*then the next was, "oh look - your tummy has gotten even bigger since last week!"

*and the last, " is this your same pregnancy from when you worked at Saks?" (mind you, i haven't worked at Saks Fifth Avenue in OVER 2 years!!! nor was i pregnant there).

my girlfriend, jen, can't believe the amount of comments that i get on a daily basis. i can't believe it either. i'm sure i'm hyper-sensitive with massive amounts of hormones wreaking havoc through my body, so that makes me even more touchy.

don't you guys think it's weird, too?

i actually think i look cute. so that's a good thing, i guess.

by-the-way, we found out we're having another boy!!!

names we are toying with are:

*gannon (lisa's choice)

*atticus (both like)

*scout (both like)

*romeo (kelly says no)

*xerxe (not sure - we do like it, but no one can pronounce it)

obviously we like very different names.

and the latest unkind remark is ...

2007-01-02T12:41:00.000-06:00

Remark said on Saturday, December 30th, 2006.

"Wow, you look great! Do you think that your baby will make wait to make it to the New Year?"

GRRRRRRRR!

People - I AM ONLY 4 1/2 MONTHS PREGNANT! I am NOT due now!

I cannot believe the gall or the nerve of people. It's absolutely asinine. I have actually lost 8 pounds so far into this pregnancy (should have gained around 7 lbs.), so that is a 15 pound spread ... can you imagine how rude people would be if I had not lost any weight, but gained it as the doctors would have me do? I am not obese, in fact, I am not even that much overweight. I just have a big tummy for a big baby.

Lay off me, people, or I will have to start using my bitchy-words to put you in your place.

my christmas boy

2006-12-26T21:10:00.000-06:00

A life-size Batman and Superman gloves for smiles like that! I wish all of life were so easily pleasant ...
Merry Christmas everyone and many blessings upon your families!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!!!! MYOB, people!

2006-12-04T10:50:00.000-06:00

Why do people care so much about what I look like? It drives me insane!

I am so sick of people "concerned" about my appearance. I am now 3 months pregnant and I can't tell you how many people have been shocked that I am only 13 weeks along. I have a big tummy, so what!!! I have actually lost weight (about a pound/week for the last month). I wish that people would mind their own business and keep their comments and "concerns" to themselves. I am not obese (meaning I am not endangering my health or baby). I am not unhealthy (my dr. thinks I look great and on-track). I weigh 140 lbs - I just have a very large stomach for baby. I've also decided to dress "pregnant" because I am at the in-between stage of pregnancy, so I wear clothes that accentuate my tummy.

Anyway. I do not need to justify anything! This is MY body, MY health and the health of my baby. If I were doing something that compromised the health of this child, then I wouldn't be surprised over the comments ...... but I'm not!

You would be amazed at the boldness at which people come up to me and make comments or try to tell me their ideas on why I am so big - without me even asking!!!! If I asked for their comments, that would be different - but I don't.

I take care of myself. I still wear very fashionable clothes and high-heeled Gucci boots to work. I have Citizens of Humanity jeans and many slick outfits. Is that why people expect more from me? Because I care about style - then they think that my body should be perfect? Well, that's ridiculous!

Before you say something to someone ... think about it. Is it your business to comment and if not, then keep it to yourself. And that means not talking to others about it, too. Even though I'm pregnant, it doesn't mean that I can't hear the comments.

Sincerely, the pregnant woman

quotes to make you smirk

2006-07-26T20:51:00.000-05:00

These are some funny quotes from Goodquotes.com

In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.

In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.

In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is day care on the first floor.

In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car.

In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

personality

2006-07-04T23:25:00.000-05:00

My Personal Dna Report

New York - here we come!!!

2006-06-22T07:32:00.000-05:00

so excited to be off for new york today ... i'm looking forward it. duke wants to see the empire state building and the statue of liberty-(yep, tourist stuff for our 4 year old).

pray for safety!

see you soon ...

more enneagram info. what type are you?

2006-06-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

More enneagram stuff.

What enneagram type are you?

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Tests_Battery.asp#RHETISampler

2
THE HELPER
Enneagram Type Two

The Caring, Interpersonal Type:
Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Enneagram Two with a One-Wing: "Servant"
Enneagram Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess"

Profile Summary for Enneagram Type Two
Healthy Levels
Level 1 (At Their Best): Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in the lives of others.
Level 2: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere.
Level 3: Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving—a truly loving person.
Average Levels
Level 4: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly.
Level 5: Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others—wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill.
Level 6: Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.
Unhealthy Levels
Level 7: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is.
Level 8: Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors.
Level 9: Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.
Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.
Examples: Mother Teresa, Barbara Bush, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leo Buscaglia, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Cosby, Barry Manilow, Lionel Richie, Kenny G., Luciano Pavarotti, Lillian Carter, Sammy Davis, Jr., Martin Sheen, Robert Fulghum, Alan Alda, Richard Thomas, Jack Paar, Sally Jessy Raphael, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Ann Landers, "Melanie Hamilton" (Gone With the Wind). and "Dr. McCoy" (Star Trek).

Type Two, The Helper: The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

What is the Kingdom of God? How do you see it?

2006-06-21T13:26:00.000-05:00

You scored as The Kingdom is mystical communion. The Kingdom is mostly mystical communion. You place a strong emphasis on continuity with those who have gone before you in the faith, and you might see the Kingdom of God as primarily a matter of spirituality.

The Kingdom is mystical communion

75%

Inner spiritual experience

75%

Kingdom as a Christianised Society

75%

The Kingdom as Earthly Utopia

67%

The Kingdom is a Future Hope

42%

The Kingdom as a counter-system

42%

The Kingdom as a political state

42%

The Kingdom as Institutional Church

33%

What is the Kingdom of God?
created with QuizFarm.com

enneagram

2006-04-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

this enneagram stuff is very interesting ... free enneagram test

harvey is so funny.

2006-04-15T13:52:00.000-05:00

picture this:

i am readying myself to sit on the couch for a lazy sat. afternoon book read with ....................
*sex-and-the-city on in the background
*a big, cozy blanket
*cup of tea
*all boys gone toy shopping for the afternoon with a check from gramma neecie
*remote controls on nearby chair ...................

and i encounter this:

A CAT WHO (just two seconds before had been content with a teeny portion of the couch) DECIDES THAT THE COUCH IS HIS!!!!! HE STRETCHED OUT AS IF TO SAY "yeah-right. this couch is mine and i am not moving for anybody!!!!!!!"

welp, that's harvey for ya. and he made me laugh.

tumult.

2006-03-11T21:45:00.000-06:00

i am too kooky to describe the tumult.
all i can ask is: puh-leez, pray for wisdom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously.
i want to to keep my fam intact.

interesting (stole from kp's blog)

2006-02-18T19:10:00.000-06:00

this is a quiz that you get to do for me ... (if you like, of course).

http://kevan.org/johari?name=mama2duke

too, too funny

2005-11-12T19:32:00.000-06:00

i was just told of a hilarious phone number that rejects the rejects for you ... nicely.

http://www.notmynumber.com/minneapolis/index.htm

love it!!!

how's everyone? i am doing really well. life is a bit settled and i like it like that. tomorrow, kelly, duke and i are going to find a new setting for my wedding ring - something antique-y, vintage-y, on-the-less-expensive-end-y.

hope you guys are well!

wow.

2005-10-06T00:06:00.000-05:00

i really have wonderful friends.

tonight, i feel loved and that feels really good. my girlfriends came over tonight to help me move our apt to the one across the hall and they gave me the sweetest gift of a scrapbook of our friendship and also a gift certificate for a massage (what i had said that i really was craving). and last night, a friend in montana said that she and her husband had some extra tithe money and wanted to give it to us (with my surgery, i don't get paid my full pay - so we were worried) ... such a gift to us and a weight lifted!

i am honored.

TRULY.

my friends (including the ones not mentioned here) are real, true, amazing, loving, generous and i am soooooooooooooo incredibly grateful for their love.

holy moly!!!!

2005-10-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

can you believe that katie holmes and tom cruise are having a baby? doesn't something seem wrong with that? poor kid.

http://track.netzero.net/s/lc?s=177270&u=http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-10-05-holmes-cruise-pregnant_x.htm?csp=27&RM_Exclude=Juno

i like her and think she's cute, but i hate to say that i'm not the biggest cruise fan (he was good in rain man).

oh well.

what's everyone doing today?

my name is earl.?

2005-10-04T15:38:00.000-05:00

has anyone seen "my name is earl"? i love jason lee, but haven't seen the show yet and was wondering if it is worth watching ...

more & more movies

2005-10-03T18:24:00.000-05:00

i am soooooooo bored!!!

agh!

i have been home alone for days and days ... part of me has loved the time to be by myself, but after a while it gets kinda sad.

more movies i've watched:

*mr. blandings builds his dream house

*kissing a fool

*to kill a mockingbird

*notting hill

*waiting for guffman

*meet the fockers

another book i've read:

*bio of heather mills mccartney (she had a boob redux too)

along with a multitude of magazines

i'm feeling better, but still a little weak. we are getting ready to move this week - thankfully, we have friends that will help us do this move. it's only across the hall - so on wednesday, it's girls night over here with drinks, dinner and moving (i'll feel like such a heel b/c i can't move anything.

first dr. appt. tomorrow ... i'll update more then.

tah-tah!

here i am

2005-09-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

well friends,

the deed has been done.

the boobs are no longer yanking on my shoulders ... they are perky and ugly. ugly only because of the many, many stitches (about 50-75 total) and the yellow/blue/black bruising. i would post a picture however i think that most would find it offensive or else want to vomit.

but, i am here. alive. and happy. i am finding that the time spent alone is wonderful, but too much of it makes me want to cry with loneliness. i have been alone for days now - with my husband working and my son being taken care of by wonderful people. they come home late at night and either duke or myself have already passed out.

ok - here's the list of movies that i bought off of ebay for my sappy, movie-love-starved convalecence:

1. barefoot in the park

2. the way we were

3. shadowlands

4. 84 charing cross road

5. the women (great movie)

6. how to lose a guy in 10 days

7. maid in manhattan (don't laugh - i just wanted simple, don't-have-to-think movies)

8. shakespeare in love

9. return to paradise

10. love story

11. the book of acts

among others. i tried desperately to get a movie called "holiday" made in 1939, i think, with cary grant and katherine hepburn - but i kept getting outbid.

other movies i've watched:

1. emma

2. sense and sensibility

3. pride and prejudice

4. bringing up baby

5. alfie

6. chocolat

books i've read: (keep in mind that i had NO OTHER books to choose from, but still needed to read - therefore, if you all have any that you would like to donate to an ailing foe, let me know)

1. biography of cary grant

2. bio of monica lewinsky

3. bio of joan crawford

4. bio of howard hughes

5. bio of grace kelly

6. am currently reading: eating chinese food naked

7. next book is: to kill a mockingbird

thanks for all prayers and well-wishes ...

i'm off to another nap and movie-fest!

they're goin' down!!! (don't read if you can't take self-pity)

2005-09-22T18:46:00.000-05:00

shit.

i mean, shoot.

my surgery is in 12 hours and 43 minutes.

shit.

now, i'm nervous. i am home alone and can only think of the horrid things that are going to happen.

such as:

1. i will be the first woman ever to die from a breast reduction.

2. my boobs will be really ugly after surgery (i saw some pix of other breasts after redux and was kinda grossed out).

3. my back won't get better, it will get worse.

4. i'm going to get an infection (i usually do).

i actually cried as my friend was taking my son to stay at her house for the night.

my thoughts were, "what if i die and never see him again?."

so melodramatic!!!

well, friends ... in all likelihood, i'm sure things will be fine. on 9/23/05 at 7:30 am, i will be on an operating table with my chest being cut apart. please pray if you like - i would appreciate it.

by-the-way, should this 16 oz. budweiser in a can calm my frayed nerves? please advise.

and for all you "by-the-book" people - i can drink or eat until midnight, ok? (but i will stop after this one beer).

bridge, rock, library

2005-08-29T08:14:00.000-05:00

my son is watching dora the explorer - dora and boots are singing "bridge, rock, library" over and over ...

things are going pretty good over here. i'm trying to decide whether or not i should accept a different job in a diff field ... i'm weighing all the pros/cons and yet i still don't have an answer. thankfully an answer is not required for a while.

am scheduled for breast reduction surgery on 9/23 ... i'm a little nervous about it - but am also anticipating a little less back pain. it's so funny that i can post about "breasts" without them being anything but utilitarian (that happens after childbirth/nursing). i think my husband gets a little embarrassed with the matter-of-fact way that i talk about them, but trust me, they are anything but sexy now.

kelly is coaching caymen's football league and they had their first scrimmage (i'm not sure what scrimmage means) on saturday - i loved being out there and watching my little family do something all together.

i haven't been to church in like, 3 or 4 weeks. i don't like that feeling. it seems as though sundays get bogged down with anticipation of the upcoming week and i don't take the time out to fellowship with friends. another thing that has changed is my dialogue (or monologue) with JC - in the past, i have spent most of my days quietly talking to Him even while working, etc. but lately it seems as though i am more focused on myself and surroundings without giving Him as much attention. i don't like that. not that He needs my attention, but i NEED that constant communication with Him.

today, i will be more conscious of my thoughts.

what an odd day

2005-08-01T15:31:00.000-05:00

i'm not too sure how i feel about today.

it's my birthday (the big three-5) ... and about that, i'm thrilled. my thirties have been filled with more peace and confidence than in my twenties and i am extremely grateful for my family, friends and church.

i think what bothers me about this day is that someone has questioned my character ... the very essence as to who i am. and i gotta say, it really hurts. especially when it was an unfounded accusation impressed upon me because of that other person's fears. to which she has even admitted that, but it still bothers me. why? why does it hurt when someone has basically said that "i've known you for "this long", but don't trust you with "this"." since i have lived here in mn, i've tried to be trustworthy and an honorable person - my faith goes before me and i've thought of myself as having a heart for Christ even though my actions may not always represent it. this person has had a slight problem with the fact that i moved in with a man (now, my husband) and got pregnant before wedlock. i did not make any excuse for that, nor did i say that i was right in the eyes of God. in fact, i knew that it would have been best if i had done things differently, but i didn't. in it though, the big-MAN has worked things out for His glory. however, someone with whom i still have daily contact with (by necessity), still has a problem with it. this was unbeknownst to me until this morning and had i known this, i may not have laid myself so open to her.

thankfully, this is a blog that is not well-read - because this issue is so deep to me and i am so hurt by it. i know i haven't explained it well, but just getting what bit i have out has helped me to release a little sadness.

on a wonderful note, the

following picture is of my little man who gives me intense joy!

i am crunchy

2005-05-31T10:34:00.000-05:00

i sat out in the sun for memorial day.

me (pre-sun exposure): kinda-pasty, black hair, white skin, freckles, green eyes.

me (post-sun exposure): crispy, bright pink/red skin, more freckles and slightly blood-shot green eyes.

not the prettiest sight.

i should know better.

my friends also introduced me to camping this weekend ... granted, it was in a backyard, but i got the flavor of it. and i actually liked it. i'm really more of a city girl (weekends at the plaza in ny would be more my style) - but my friends really made it fun. i had s'mores for the first time and ate countless chips and drank a fair share of bud light (much to some people's chagrine).

how was everyone else's weekend?

ahhhh!

2005-04-08T23:08:00.000-05:00

so,

duke and i were talking/laughing/giggling on the bed last night and he said he would read me a book. he opened one of my non-picture-books and proceeded with the following: "dear God, I can't see You ... but I know you're here."

WOW! this kid is THREE YEARS OLD! if only i could think this way!

duke is 3 years old

2005-03-19T22:16:00.000-06:00

my beautiful son is 3. i can't believe it.

if i could figure out how to post a new photo, i would. i am in awe of his sweetness and naivety ... his unabashed love for me and his daddy ... his all-consuming worship of his best friends and of his own relationship with Jesus. we were driving in the car tonight when he asked me, "mommy, where's Jesus?" hmmmmm - how do ya answer that? well, i said "Jesus is here, with us, we just can't see him." now, do ya think i confused the poor guy?

2005-01-12T20:29:00.000-06:00

now, that i have figured out how to paste fun tidbits into my blog, that seems to be all i am doing! does it mean that i have nothing meaningful to say? huh. i dunno.

here's what country i am ... (but, i didn't even know that the united nations was a country!!!).

You're the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

2005-01-11T23:56:00.000-06:00

by taking a quiz - i have found out which novel best represents me. i kinda don't think that this one does, however it sounds good and is better than some danielle steele/harlequin romance.

which book are you?

You're To Kill a Mockingbird!

by Harper Lee

Perceived as a revolutionary and groundbreaking person, you have
changed the minds of many people. While questioning the authority around you, you've
also taken a significant amount of flack. But you've had the admirable guts to
persevere. There's a weird guy in the neighborhood using dubious means to protect you,
but you're pretty sure it's worth it in the end. In the end, it remains unclear to you
whether finches and mockingbirds get along in real life.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

2005-01-09T23:14:00.000-06:00

new years resolution:

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Start smuggling contraband in baby diapers.

Get your resolution here

2005-01-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

you know, i have to say "i'm sorry" to the people that i so gently made fun of regarding blogs, considering the fact that i, myself happen to blog now. i highly doubt that anyone would even remember by chiding them and yet i am compelled to apologize. so there.

i really enjoyed myself tonight at church. each time i leave there, i like it more and more. i have been going there for almost 4 years and the church itself is only 5 years old, but my experiences with the people of solomons porch have been wonderful - i can't imagine being anywhere else. it truly seems to define "community" for me and i do think that to commune with others as a way of life is what JC had in mind. i had thought that when i first came to Christ, i was almost labeled by my sins and expected others to judge me by them - however big or small they may have been. and in a sense - because of society - that is true. but i am finding out that to live a life by uplifting and encouraging others regardless of the sin makes sense to me. i am not saying that i would encourage people who are in the act of a sin to continue with it (because that in itself is contrary to the teaching of Jesus), but i am saying that to love them throughout is what is hoped of us. i have been loved by the people of my church as i struggle with big sins, small sins, teeny sins, tall sins. this is a true community of God & i am so very grateful that i am among these believers.

all righty - time to turn this over to my not-as-spiritual side: my husband and i are on our 7th day of the south beach diet. ugh!!!! we have been wanting to eat healthier and give up the sweets and fries, so we figured that to completely cut ourselves off from refined sugars and heavy carbs would be the best route. crap. it's really hard. I WANT SUGAR NOW! so anyway, kelly (hubby) has lost 5 pounds (which will help his back out too) in a week. me: none. nada. zilch. zero. why? i eat less than he does and have had about 423 less diet sodas than he has, so where's my weight loss? do i hear violins playing for me? i'm ready for my five pounds to be gone (God, are you listening?)!

ok - another night where i am up too late and need to sleep ... so sweet dreams to blogland.

to get you in the sleepy mood, here's a lullaby from east africa, abyssinia - that i read to my son this evening:
Sleep, sleep, my little one! The night is all wind and rain;
The meal has been wet by the raindrops
and bent is the sugar cane;
O Giver who gives to the people, in safety my little son keep!
My little son with the headdress, sleep, sleep, sleep!

2005-01-07T14:30:00.000-06:00

welp, friends - it's official:

I'm the 53,957,565 richest person on earth!

Discover how rich you are! >>

i had no idea that i was this wealthy! (thanks kp for the link).

another site to check out is from a good friend of mine who is fighting the war in irag. he has created a blog and updates it often - check it out: http://rocksniper.blogspot.com

i am amazed at what these guys are doing for our freedom and yet i'm not even sure how i feel about the war. i do know that i am grateful for the life we have in this country though.

mr. darcy

2004-12-07T19:46:00.000-06:00

i love mr. darcy ...

yummy yummy yummy for my tummy tummy tummy!

can i say this even though i have a husband whom i also love? why is it that we americans have only one word for "love" when in other languages, there are many other variations of it? eros. phileo. agape.

anywho, is anyone else slightly obsessed with the BBC version of "pride and prejudice"? oh man - i just love it. mr. darcy (played by colin firth), has such an aura of pomp and intensity that i just melt when he looks at elizabeth bennett as she is playing the piano forte.

today has been a good day. this month has been a good month (all 7 days thus far). i am sometimes in awe over the deep-rooted joy that is in me. when i sigh, i feel as though i expel a breath of joy. and it trips me out - let me tell ya! my life hasn't been all that easy as of late; it's been filled with insecurity, depression, financial woes, health issues, familial problems, a bipolar/addicitive/recovering alki hubby ------- and yet, i'm happy. isn't that odd? shouldn't i just want to say f**k it all and be through? but i don't. i am still happy. maybe i have some form of ecstasy/prozac/beer floating through the vents in my house to keep me on such an even keel. i don't get it. i guess i'm not supposed to get it though ... i should just take this gift for what it is: a gift.

sir-poops-a-lot

2004-11-22T21:40:00.000-06:00

my son really poops a lot.

i am often reminded of what shelley says about poop; its size, texture, color and weight. i told my son today about "spiderman" big-boy underpants and he was enthralled with that idea (until i said that he had to use the big-boy potty). i'm afraid that he'll never get out of diapers now. why id he afraid of the big toilet? does he think it will swallow him whole? do you remember when you were a kid and someone started a rumor about a snake swimming through the sewer pipes and into the toilet boil to bite your butt? well, as far as i know, no one has told my two-year-old that!!!

work was good today, however i am a bit nervous for tomorrow as my account executive is flying in from chicago, bright and early. i'm excited to meet her, but am afraid that she will think that i am not what she had in mind for this job. poor me.

i had a great all-girls weekend in cross lake, it was just what i needed to relax and just what my husband needed to miss and appreciate me (should i go away more often?).

my cat, harvey, is peacefully sleeping near me. just looking at him makes me want to relax and go to sleep ... so, goodnight.

crap!

2004-11-18T00:29:00.000-06:00

whew!!! -

for the life of me, i couldn't figure out how to get back on here. would you believe that i have a degree in graphic design with a majority of my schooling in computers? makes no sense, i know.

$550 face cream

2004-11-18T00:12:00.000-06:00

how can i sell face cream for so much money? i work at an establishment that places expensive skincare in the same realm as water or even air. and how sad that i take a certain amount of pride in saying that i work at the top store in my field. why does this impress me and does it really impress anyone else? basically, i schlep makeup - big whoop! does that make me any closer to hollywood and movie sets? hmmmm - i think not (i did grow up in california though). as it stands, i live 2000 miles from any real movie productions, i can barely pay my rent, we haven't paid our energy bill in months, yet i drive a saab and use a $550 dollar face cream (i get it for free - thank you very much). where does this say that my smarts are? obviously not in finances. you know what stinks about this as well? my husband is not so hot in the money department either (don't tell him i said that), but i guess that since his depression doesn't lead him to shop, he's the one that has taken over paying our bills (or not paying them - however you want to view it).

ho-hum. a blog here, a blog there. whoever thought of the words "ho-hum"? if you know the answer, please reply ...

can i tell you all how much i LOVE my beautiful son? i love him with a love that i didn't know existed. everyone at church knows him, but how sad that they don't know us. does it mean that i am unfriendly? or does it just mean that i don't have the gall to run around church with my finger in my nose, serenading the water fountain and jumping on the furniture with gusto while yelling "i wuv you, mommy"?

huh.

this is nice. a blog to blog in. i've never blogged before. i have been reading a few blogs from my fellow Solomons Porcher's and am utterly fascinated by reading about their insights, thoughts and kooky neuroses.

doggone it - how the heck do i upload photos of my son?

2004-11-17T23:34:00.000-06:00

zippetydoodah